Tomorrow is my dissertation defense; there many conflicting emotions raging within me; fear, anxiety, doubt, for sure, anger for being stuck in grad school for so long and the abuses received herein, elation that I am being released...these create a maelstrom within me that threatens to explode. Tomorrow these emotions will be released, but I know this is not the end. I still have to get this paper out before the 16th (that's next week Friday), and my boss is still making major revisions to it, so I really don't know if it will be submitted, this year or ever. Of course that leads to a huge anxiety over the future of my career, crippled from the lack of productivity in this lab; being stuck on a difficult project was not helpful, and being stuck with my current advisor wasn't helpful either. I can only hope that my next lab as a postdoc is successful; otherwise there is no point in continuing in science. With the environment this competitive, and me having little to show for almost a decade in the field (albeit all in grad school), it doesn't bode well. At least I have a presentation scheduled at a conference in February already, this will be helpful. If we can get the paper out I can apply for fellowships, which will be a boost to my CV, and will lead to further publications. Anyway, that is in the future, but tomorrow I have little reason to rejoice, except that my time in pergatory is reduced by that many days.